


Just Want To Be a Normal Girl

by Sangerin



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe, Asylumverse, Crossover, F/F, Mental Institutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-16
Updated: 2005-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-19 15:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tara shines inside herself and River has known it since the first time she saw her.</p><p>Spoilers: a minor character-name spoiler for <i>Serenity</i>, references to seasons 4 and 6 of <i>BtVS</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Want To Be a Normal Girl

_There is no internal logic, no consistency. When something happens that she doesn’t like, it all begins over again._

 

Tara lets her hair drift over her face, hiding behind it. River does too. They hide at the back of the class and River whispers the answers to Tara, because she knows them all but the University insists that all first years must complete this subject. Tara is River’s friend.

*

They go to the bookstore, because Tara has heard that a new book on ancient Irish mysticism has arrived, and River wants to see if they have anything in the store she hasn’t read. They wander among the shelves, pointing out interesting covers.

Tara finds her book, but it’s on the top shelf. When she pulls it down, another one comes with it and falls to the floor. Only before it hits the floor it hits a boy on the head.

‘Ow,’ he says, standing up with a hand to his head.

‘Simon!’ River exclaims.

‘Yes, little sister, that was me you nearly killed.’

River shrugs. ‘It wasn’t me, it was Tara.’ Tara makes a soft noise that would be an indignant ‘hey!’ if it weren’t muffled by hair.

‘Then I guess I’d better forgive her, then. You wouldn’t have escaped so easily if it had been you, River.’

River leans into Tara. ‘This is my brother, Simon. He’s a senior in pre-Med, and a TA to Professor Walsh.’

Simon smiles. ‘Are you taking psychology?’

‘I thought I might,’ says Tara, softly. ‘Although I’ve heard about Professor Walsh, she sounds…’

‘Intimidating?’ Simon nods. ‘She is. But she’s also brilliant, and the best possible person to learn from. I hope you sign up for the class.’

Tara turns to River. She has her hand at River’s elbow, keeping them linked together. ‘If I’m doing physics and psychology, will you sign up for art history with me?’

‘Art history?’ River scrunches up her face and watches Tara get fake-annoyed.

‘It would be good for you, River,’ says Simon, seriously. ‘You need to broaden your horizons.’

‘When I want your advice, brother, I’ll ask for it,’ says River. She pushes him away playfully and runs with Tara to the cash register. ‘I want a picnic in the sun with you,’ she says when they step into the sunshine.

*

‘Hey, Tara,’ she says quietly, slipping into the seat next to her in a lecture.

‘River!’ Tara smiles. ‘What did you think of that problem Professor Simms set?’

‘Not that hard,’ River knows she shouldn’t show off, but she wants Tara to be impressed. Because Tara shines inside herself and River has known it since the first time she saw her.

‘I struggled,’ admitted Tara. ‘Will you help me?’

River smiles back and leans closer to Tara, pointing out where the numbers go and how they relate to each other.

*

‘Come with?’ asks Tara as they leave psychology.

Simon smiles at Tara when River waves goodbye.

‘To your wicca group? Bunch of wanna-blessed-bes,’ River replies, dismissively. ‘But I’ll come,’ she adds. ‘Because I like being with you whatever the reason.’ She hooks her hand in Tara’s elbow.

They sit in a circle in the lounge of one of the residence halls, a lot of silly girls without half the intelligence of Tara. Tara lets her hair fall over her face, like she does in class when she doesn’t want to be noticed. River pulls hers back, makes sure she’s noticed by all the girls, especially the one who thinks she’s in charge.

They talk about bake sales and River giggles at them derisively and Tara elbows her in the ribs.

‘You have something to say?’ asks the girl in charge, looking at Tara.

‘Uh… no,’ says Tara.

River shrugs. ‘She may not, but I do… do any of you ever do anything but sit around talking about bake sales? Call yourselves wicca… I’ve known leprechauns with more power and motivation than you!’

The girls all look at her strangely, but she and Tara giggle and can’t stop. They leave the circle and River waves goodbye to them. Tara just keeps giggling. ‘You’re right, they really aren’t worth my time. Unlike you.’ She kisses River on the cheek and River glows inside.

*

River comes to Tara’s door. They’re going on another picnic. Tara found a park with a lake and bridges and it’s pretty and River loves it. She imagines sitting with Tara on a blanket overlooking the lake, hands entwined and maybe even kissing.

She hears Simon’s voice behind the door, and he and Tara are laughing.

‘River is so lucky to have a brother like you,’ she hears Tara say. ‘My brother… we’ve never really gotten along. We’re too different.’

‘Sometimes I think River and I are too much alike.’

‘My whole family – except my mother, I guess. I loved my mother.’

River wants to be inside the room, not out in the corridor listening. Wants to be holding Tara as she cries over her mother. Doesn’t want Simon anywhere near Tara. Her Tara.

‘Most people do,’ says Simon, and his voice is soft and gentle.

‘I don’t love my father,’ says Tara. ‘Or my brother.’

‘Did… did they hurt you?’

‘Oh, no, nothing like that,’ says Tara. She says the words so quickly she stumbles over them. ‘I never felt like they were mine. I’ve never had anyone who is just mine,’ she said.

‘River and I were lucky,’ says Simon. ‘Our parents spoiled us, and she and I have always been close.’

‘I’ve noticed that,’ says Tara. ‘I’m jealous of River, having a brother like you.’

There is a slight pause. ‘I’m jealous of River, too. Having found a girl like you.’

‘Oh!’ Tara exclaims. River blushes, because Simon knows her. Knows her inside and out. ‘Oh! I… She doesn’t think of me like that. She, she’d never. Not me.’

‘She does, you know,’ says Simon. ‘Ask her.’

‘I couldn’t.’

‘Don’t turn your back on the chance to be happy,’ says Simon. ‘Life’s too short.’

River hears him walk towards the door. She hides in an alcove, pressing herself against the wall when Simon opens the door.

‘And having spouted far too many clichés, I shall take my leave.’ River looks down, sees the army boots he is wearing. They thump as he walks away.

She leaves her alcove and walks to Tara’s door. ‘Hey.’

‘River! Simon was…’

‘I saw him leaving.’ She pauses and takes a breath. ‘I am, you know,’ she says as she closes the door behind her.

Tara is sitting on the bed, looking at River with her beautiful big eyes. ‘What?’

‘Yours.’

Tara smiles and glows. River sits down on the edge of the bed with Tara and leans forward to kiss her. She never wants to stop.

 

 _There are many side effects. Hallucinations, fugue states, complete dissociation. The world River Tam has constructed for herself is – like everything else the Tam girl does – superior. It is real to her – every relationship, be it the one with her brother, with the girl she calls Tara, with Professors or Advisers in that long-ago world she has created for herself, every relationship is full of heart and life and vibrancy._

 _For a fleeting moment, Dr Mathias is sorry for her. The misplaced emotion soon passes._

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the concept behind doyle_sb4's Asylum-verse, although not specifically in that universe.


End file.
